I can t write essays anymore
Should I start with a title or a thesis? But how can I title my paper without a focused thesis? How has it already been a half hour?
I have exactly zero words written. Thesis please present yourself from the depths of my brain, I beg of you. What if I write about some tragic aspect of the human condition? Yeah genius, cuz that's not clich? It's been forty-five minutes and the most productive thing I've done is finish a bag of chocolate pretzels. OK BRAIN GO TIME, THESIS PLEASE How many pages does this have to be?
Five to seven for undergrad and six to eight for grad?
Write the body first, the introduction second, and the conclusion last. HOWEVER- I got stuck with severe anxiety! This paper is pretty tragic Please message us and we'll let cann know what's going on and fix anything that's been removed in error. This includes inviting PMs as a first resort. I also changed my diet and exercised!
What if I write six? Am I a grad student? The prof would never even know.
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I'd be shrouded in mystery. Wow that was beautiful why can't I actually write like something like that? What was my thesis again? Tragic flaws in Shakespeare's characters. Tragic is wrtie funny word.
Well I've written three sentences, snack break. I'm two hours in and four sentences down. But my header is done, so that's something. I'm never gonna finish this by Wednesday. AT LEAST NOT ONCE I SHIFT Wnymore MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE.
Do I start with my strongest body paragraph or my weakest? Start strong or finish strong? Who cares this essay is gonna be fabulous anyway. Oh Hamlet, you're so silly. TO BEEEEEE OR NOT TO BEEEEEE, THAT IS THE QUESTION. Dang that really is the question. How do I cite lines from a play? Line number, act, scene?
No, line number, scene, act Dangit, Easybib, help me MLA Style you're a frenemy I need you but I hate you. How many pages is this again? I need a synonym for "tragic. This paper is pretty tragic OK four paragraphs done, how long have I been working? Well I'm halfway done, that's a good stopping point right?
Famous words of a procrastinator I'll write two more sentences so I'm technically more than halfway done.
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I ain't no slacker. Oh but I could totally take this one idea in a completely different direction That would change the whole paper. The paper you've essats spent multiple hours on.
Well I guess I don't really have essaays for that anyway FINE I'll keep writing. Shakespeare, your language makes no sense. I could talk about Macbeth and make this a comparison essay. That would give me more to write about. Gotta fill those five to seven pages. I wonder what the other students are writing about. That one kid is probably done already. DANG that was a good analysis essas Macbeth's slow descent into madness.
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And it's only been like five hours. I have until Wednesday to finish.
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I can totally call it quits for tonight. SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE. HOLY CRAP WAIT I could do a whole in-depth analyses of how Hamlet and Macbeth are visited by ghosts. I have to get up and write that down I'll forget it in the morning. Why do I do this to myself? Because I'm a writer.