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By None None on Publish Date December 6, Before I share some of these samples, a caveat one familiar to oike readers of this blog: That said, I would argue that there are some basic lessons to be gleaned from the following examples. Here, for instance, is an excerpt from an essay that was not especially well received at the University of Virginia, tuat part because the writer misjudged the age and sensibility of his or her audience: I heard it before when John Lennon sang it: When I watched this episode while the deaf adolescents were singing it, and soon joined lime another glee club, it surprisingly affected me… John Lennon sang it like a professional, but what he did not have was the emotion behind the words.
He sang it more staccato than legato. He sang it like it was his job, and nothing more. These singers from Glee sang with powerful emotions.
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I had almost forgotten that less than a year ago I had been a kid whose excitement came from waiting for the next History Channel documentary. I would argue that the admissions esssay was able to relate a little more to this essay than the first. And it was certainly more evocative and detailed.
- Nonetheless, I realize that I still have unbounded room to grow.
- Colleges are looking for a sense of maturity and introspection—pinpoint the transformation and demonstrate your personal growth.
- In my job as a Little League umpire, I have three distinct identities.
It also conveyed more about the writer and applicant — a crucial quality in a college admissions essay. I turn, now, to excerpts from a recent essay that struck a visceral chord within the admissions office at Occidental where, as an aside, President Obama began his college career: My head throbbed as I closed my eyes and tried to convince myself to give up.
Put the pencil down. I had been hard at work for hours — brutal, mind-numbing hours.
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I groaned as I moved over to my bed, collapsing in a pile of blankets and closing my eyes. I lay there for a moment or two, gathering strength, gaining courage.
My tense shoulders began to unclench as I stretched out and opened my bleary eyes… Suddenly, I bolted upright on my bed, eyes wide, blankets flying. Everything had fallen into place. I stumbled madly to my desk, thumped myself down, and snatched up my pencil. I had just won another skirmish in my ongoing battle with the crossword puzzle.
I became friends with a student who dressed outlandishly, wearing corset tops oike tutus, and on some days, carrying around a parasol. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. I, too, clamped my left eye shut, pretending that this technique altered my view in the same manner it affected my peers. When you figure out how all the cogs fit together, you'll be able to build your own I had been hard at work for hours — brutal, mind-numbing hours. The point of evaluating all these factors is to enable colleges to holistically build a well-rounded class of specialists.
As a writer, I admired the way she built a sense of mystery at the outset, one that served to draw the reader in. I believe in jello; a silly greeting, tasty dessert, or the answer to life as we know it?
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Have you ever tried to make jello? First you have to boil the water; then mix it with powder, stirring for two minutes; then finally adding the cold water and putting it in the llke for forty-five minutes. Think about the creation of people… To share your own thoughts on essay strategies — and, perhaps, some excerpts of your own — please use the comment box below.